"my first half year."
People tend to haunt me more than things.
most of the time, people think that change occurs over a long distance.
but it doesn't always take long for things to change.
because we always come into contact with a lot of people, and people happen to be the most unstable factor.
when people come, your life changes once, and when people go, your life changes again.
so, you don't need to talk about change for half a lifetime, half a year is enough.
during the New year, I still kept in touch with her.
that day I was in Dongguan and she was in Guangzhou. After making a phone call, I saw her send a Weibo message: "be the first person you meet in 2017."
the picture is a very domineering sentence: "go downstairs."
at that time, I had a faint premonition, but I told myself that I was fine.
go home during the holiday in mid-January and ask her out to an online celebrity dessert shop. The dessert was beautiful, but not delicious, so she complained jokingly, "it seems that something strange happens every time I go out with you."
after each went home, she suddenly asked me, "should I tell you if I have someone I like?"
maybe it's because half a year has passed and the chat notes have been lost. I can't remember what I said at that time. I just remember that the next day I picked up my luggage and went to Dongguan to live with the thorn eel whale in the summer, writing crazily.
A few days later, I learned in a youth brigade in Dongguan that she was out of control and angry with her friend who told me about it.
in February, she said, "you have to be good."
I said I don't want it.
after a while I said, "I've been doing well, so you have to be good. Good night."
this is the last time we chat.
because of her, I wrote a lot of articles: "some like it, but in the end it's really not for being together" and "what happened to the person who called with you late at night? "," I deleted the Wechat of the person I like "," stop looking forward to love so much "and so on.
in March, a reader left a message saying: "although very touching, she seems to have appeared in your article many times, so don't consume her any more." The word
consumption is dazzling.
in fact, I write a lot of articles for myself, and I comfort myself. It's just that outsiders get bored when they see too many things.
just like if you keep mentioning someone in your moments, people will blame you for being so unrepentant, and people will wonder if you are consuming him to prove your long-term love.
isn't this life now? whoever feels sorry for a person for too long is a fool.
so from then on, I deliberately stopped writing about her.
I comfort myself that I have nothing to write about.
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after all, the past is limited, it won't last the rest of your life, it will only run out in time.
I mentioned a coffee shop in a tweet, saying that I had met a lot of pretty little sisters in it.
there is a book in that coffee shop.
the book is full of countless "moments", including love words, lies, happy words and regret words.
I remember that 15 years ago, I also wrote a sentence in that book, but when I went back this year, I had forgotten what was written at that time.
the book is very thick. I've been going through it for a long time, and I'm still thinking that I can't recognize my handwriting.
then on a certain page, an empty page with only one sentence written: "if one day I come here with you, I will open this book and tell you that I like you."
if I really express my love in the end, this sentence may be very sweet. But now, this sentence is really stupid.
I will not come to this place with her again, or even, in fact, we have never been together.
what I swore to write at that time, what I said may not be realized, or even someone will remember.
so I don't remember when I started, and stopped clicking into her Weibo and moments. I don't remember when I saw a picture of her showing love, and I didn't shake my heart any more.
, let alone, we agreed to keep in touch no matter what.
in fact, I don't want to talk about anything about her. I really want to talk to you about the interview, the speech, the busyness.
but when I look back on the past six months, I find that the change I care about most is not that I have written a hundred thousand plus, not where I have been to give a speech, not how much salary I have, not what kind of offer I got, but that I have lost a person who once cared madly.
people tend to haunt me more than things.
because the former can always change something by trying to change something, while the latter everyone has tried very hard, but to no avail.
but when you think about it, I am luckier than most people.
those things that cannot be changed even if I work hard, and those things that I will forget under the washing of time, I have written down very carefully, or happily, or painstakingly.
this is important, because if you really forget, if there is really no trace, then all the original care seems to be meaningless.
and I don't want to look back and see that my life has been modified. Apart from being happy, the rest is a vast expanse of whiteness.
finally, there is one more sentence I would like to write to those who are still bitter about it.Conclusion:
only by accepting that one person is gone can you accept the arrival of the next person.